Harry Potter and the Barbeque Chicken Wing
by Felicitations
Summary: Hm. As random as you can get. Dating games, KoolAid and miniskirts...
1. IN WHICH DRACO NEARLY DROWNS IN KOOLAID

A/N: my very very very first fic!! YAAAY!!!! Beware of insanity. Very insane insanity. Short stories, like 10 seconds to read each one. Now I'll shuttup.  
  
Read & review, pleeeease!!! ^-^  
  
~*~.~*~.~*~.~*~.~*~  
  
(Harry, Ron and Hermione were walking along the road. But there are no roads at Hogwarts, so they weren't really walking, they were just daydreaming in History of Magic class.)  
  
Harry: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz  
  
Ron:(pokes Harry with his wand) ennervate  
  
(Harry's haphazardous hair [A/N:heh, Harry's haphazardous hair- wait, is haphazardous a word?] sparks a little, but he sleeps on)  
  
Hermione: Ron, he's not unconcious! He's asleep.  
  
Harry: She's right  
  
Ron: Oh, okay then-  
  
Hermione: ????  
  
~*~.~*~.~*~.~*~.~*~  
  
(Draco is mixing up some Kool-aid-like stuff (A/N: I don't own Kool-aid!!!!) to dye his hair blue)  
  
Draco: (licks spoon) mmmmmm  
  
(Draco pours the pitcher over his head, but he put too much water in so he starts to drown)  
  
Draco: blub blub bubble blubb  
  
(Snape walks by and sees Draco trying to swim)  
  
Snape: Cowabungaaaaaaa!!! (dives in & lands on Draco)  
  
Draco: Ow-  
  
(Hermione walks by and sees Snape and Draco swimming in a pitcher of Kool-Aid)  
  
Hermione: -.-  
  
~*~.~*~.~*~.~*~.~*~  
  
(It is Christmas and Ron is very overexcited)  
  
Ron: It is Christmas and I am very overexcited!  
  
(Duh)  
  
Ron: Duh  
  
(-.-)  
  
Ron: Okay I can't hear you now so I'll just jump on the couch-  
  
Hermione:(Sitting on couch and seeing Ron about to jump on her head)  
  
Hermione: (screams a bloodcurdling PG-13 word)##########UUUUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(Ron stops in midair, shocked)  
  
Harry: Umm Hermione what is going on with you-  
  
Hermione: (shrugs) (walks away)  
  
Ron: Oh well- (Jumps on couch some more)  
  
Ron: Jumps on couch some more, jumps on couch some more!!  
  
(Shut up)  
  
Ron: Make me!  
  
(I'll throw a pillow at you)  
  
Ron: Ahh!! No!! Pillows are too hard for my sensitive skin!!!  
  
~*~.~*~.~*~.~*~.~*~  
  
(Draco, Crabbe and Goyle are learning to Riverdance)  
  
Draco: Daddy will be so proud!!!  
  
Goyle: uhhh  
  
Draco: (menacingly) ARE YOU INSULTING MY FATHER???  
  
Crabbe: umm  
  
Draco: grrrrrrr...  
  
Crabbe & Goyle: *whimper*  
  
~*~.~*~.~*~.~*~.~*~  
  
Okey-dokey artichokey, ow this thorn is kinda pokey, all these rhymes make my throat chokey!!! review, pleez!!! I'll update soon.  
  
Yup, right there--  
  
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II 


	2. IN WHICH RON TURNS INTO A SPAZ AND HERMI...

IN WHICH HERMIONE IS BORED AND RON TURNS INTO A SPAZ  
  
Okay, I'm baaaaaaack!!! I know that the stories are weird, but OH WELL!! ^^  
  
Disclaimer: I own Harry Potter. No, really. There's this cupboard under the stairs… Oh, who am I kidding? Harry Potter no me own. *sniffle*  
  
~*~.~*~.~*~.~*~.~  
  
(Hermione is sitting. On a chair. In a room. In the library. Hey, she's Hermione, where else would she be?)  
  
Hermione: Yawwwnnn. This is boring. Laura needs some more inspiration.  
  
Me: Oh!! Inspiration has struck!!  
  
Hermione: Finally…  
  
~*~.~*~.~*~.~*~.~  
  
(Ron is singing. Earplugs, anyone?) (A/N: Miss Independent is playing, so…)  
  
Ron: Thinkin' the world could open her door, surprise, it's time, to feel, what's real…  
  
Hermione: Who's scratching the chalkboard?!? My ears!! Spoiled!!!  
  
Ron: Hermione!!! I'm hurt!!!  
  
Hermione: Now you know what my ears feel like!!!  
  
~*~.~*~.~*~.~*~.~  
  
(Harry is bored. Ron is bored. Hermione is bored. Ginny is bored. I am going to murder my brother John because he is an evil troll who doesn't have a vocabulary.)  
  
Ginny: Is he as bad as Fred and George?  
  
Me: No, Gred and Forge are cool.  
  
Ginny: Point. Only five people in our family are cool.  
  
Ron: Hey!! Don't compare me to Percy! I am NOT an insane traitorous control-freak!!!  
  
Ginny: (muttering) No, of course not, Mr. McSpaz…  
  
Ron: (spazzing) I AM NOT A SPAZ!!! HOW DARE YOU CALL ME A SPAZ, YOU SPAZZY SPAZ!!! SPAZ, SPAZ, SPAZ, SPAZ, SPAZ, IS THAT YOU'RE WHOLE VOCABULARY??!?!??!?  
  
Ginny, Harry, Hermione: …  
  
~*~.~*~.~*~.~*~.~  
  
(Hermione, Harry, assorted Weasley kids and I are driving in the Ford Anglia that I have MAGICALLY brought to life.)  
  
Harry: Okay, what do you want from McRonald's?  
  
Ginny: I want a McTom-Griddle.  
  
Ron: Eeeeeew, who would want sausage on their eggs, cheese, and sausage?  
  
Hermione: You copied that from Laura's evil older brother-  
  
Me: HE DESERVES TO BE PLEAUAUGEAEUERRIZED!  
  
Hermione: You seriously misspelled that last word…  
  
Me: SO WHAT????  
  
Hermione: It's P-L-A-G-I-A-R-I-Z-E-D…  
  
Me: You are a B-L-O-O-D-Y P-R-A-T W-H-O D-E-S-E-R-V-E-S T-O- D-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-E!!!  
  
Harry: Heh heh, that's funny…  
  
Harry, Ron, Gred, Forge, Bill: Aye-aye-aye-aye-aye-aye-aye-aye-aye-aye-aye-aye-aye-aye-aye-aye- aye-aye-aye-aye…  
  
Ginny: I AM GETTING SERIOUSLY TICKED OFF HERE!!!  
  
~*~.~*~.~*~.~*~.~  
  
Yaaay! I have the next chapter planned, but remember that it might be a while before I update. Here's a sneak preview:  
  
IN WHICH ZUCCHINIS FLY AND RON IS SUGAR-HIGH  
  
Draco: (unenthusiastic) yay  
  
Harry: (gives a satisfied smile)  
  
Draco: (really really ticked off) Welcome contestant one. He has red hair, freckles, and is stupid.  
  
Ron: WHHAAAAAAAAAA!?!?!?!?!??!??!?!? WHAAAAAAA DID U JUST SAY??? IM MADD!!!  
  
Draco: See? See what I mean? (mutters) I'm not paid enough to do this job… 


	3. IN WHICH ZUCCHINIS FLY AND RON IS SUGAR ...

IN WHICH ZUCCHINIS FLY AND RON IS SUGAR-HIGH  
A/N: Yay!! Chappie 3 is here!!! This one is all one story. And caution to  
all major, obsessive Draco fans- he has a hard time in this chappie.  
Sorry!! R/R!! (  
(Host walks on a stage that has appeared. Nothing happens; no lights, no  
audience, nuthin.)  
Host: *cough*  
(Lights come on and audience cheers wildly. Host is sitting on a fluffy red  
chair.)  
Host: (takes off mask)  
Audience: *gasp* Malfoy!!!  
Draco: *glare*  
Audience: *whimper*  
Draco: (monotone) hello-and-welcome-to-Blind-Date-Harry-Potter-Style. Hey,  
why not Hogwarts style? Why Potter?  
Me: Grrr.  
Draco: *cower* Umm. well.  
(Crickets get tired of their chirping after a while)  
Draco: .  
Me: (punches Draco)  
Draco: Ow! Oh. Here's Potter.  
(Harry walks on amid cheers. Harry looks expectedly at Draco.)  
Draco: (not cheering) what? I'd only cheer for you if zucchinis flew!  
(Rumbling is heard outside)  
Draco: What the f-  
Me: WATCH YOUR *@#$&!% LANGUAGE!!!  
(Rumbling gets louder and a swarm of zucchinis comes through every window,  
door, etc.)  
Me: DUCK!!  
(Rumbling fades as zucchinis fly off)  
Draco: (unenthusiastic) yay  
Harry: (gives a satisfied smile)  
Draco: (really really ticked off) Welcome contestant one. He has red hair,  
freckles, and is stupid.  
Ron: WHHAAAAAAAAAA!?!?!?!?!??!??!?!? WHAAAAAAA DID U JUST SAY??? IM MADD!!!  
Draco: See? See what I mean? (Mutters) I'm not paid enough to do this  
job... (Normal) Okay, contestant two. Smart. Mudblood. Bushy hair.  
Hermione: Hey!  
Draco: Live with it. Contestant three. Red hair. Freckles. *OOTP warning!  
OOTP spoiler! OOTP OOTP OOTP!* Whore. *End of OOTP warning! End of OOTP  
spoiler! OOTP OOTP OOTP!*  
Ginny: Git.  
Draco: Prat.  
Ginny: Arse.  
Draco: Swearer  
Ginny: Gay.  
Draco: (freezes)  
Hermione: Eeeew.  
Draco: (flustered) Potter. Questions.  
Harry: (laughing) so- all of you- hahahaha! - Um, if you could go to Cuba-  
Draco: Cuba Gooding Junior? HE is HOT!!  
(Silence [the crickets are too stunned to chirp])  
Harry: I'm worried about you, Draco. So, if you could go to Cuba, what  
would you do there? Contestant one?  
Ron: I WUD GO 2 DA LOKAL HONEEDUKS AND EET SUUUGGAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!  
Harry: Contestant two?  
Hermione: I would lock myself in a cupboard and read.  
Harry: Contestant three?  
Ginny: Iii'm gonna soak up the suuun...  
Harry: Oooh! I love this one! I'm gonna tell everyooone...  
Both: Toooo liiighteeeen uuup!!!  
Draco: SHUT UP!!  
Harry: Okay... So, contestant one, what is it with you and sugar?  
Ron: SUGAAAAA IZ GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUD!!!  
Harry: Oooookay... Contestant two, if you were trapped by rabid Weasleys-  
Ron, Ginny: HEY!  
Harry: -What would you do?  
Hermione: Well, first, I would snog the hell out of Ron and then make a  
pulley system with the pudding cup I carry around with me...  
Harry: You don't have a pocket  
Hermione: I have it sewn into my clothes  
Harry: You're wearing-um-Ron's clothes.  
Hermione: WHAT??  
Ron: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?  
Ginny: That makes sense...  
Draco: Shut up and get on with it  
Hermione: Well, then I would-um-run.  
Harry: Um, okay... Contestant three, will you marry me?  
Ginny: Oh, I don't know... SURE!!  
(Ginny runs and lands in Harry's arms. Mushy fangirls sigh longingly.)  
(Ginny and Harry run offstage.)  
Draco: Um, I guess that's it...  
Me: Please ignore them (gestures to Harry and Ginny) and them (gestures to  
Ron and Hermione) and goodbye.  
Some random dude I hired to say the ending stuff: Laura will update soon.  
Here's a sneak preview of what's to come:  
~The appearance of the barbeque chicken wing (finally)  
~Giant pickles  
~More Kool-Aid!  
~A play that the school puts on of a fairy tale!  
Read and Review, please! ~_^ 


	4. IN WHICH HERMIONE IS REALLY GROSSED OUT

IN WHICH... UM... I HAVEN'T FIGURED THAT OUT YET... UH...  
  
Sowwy for not updating *sniff* I had major writer's block. And school. *eeeeeek!* anyway, forget the 'coming up next's' cuz I can't write what I want AND incorporate giant veggies & such. Well, story time!! !@#$%^&*())(*&^%$#@!!@#$%^&*())(*&^%$#@! *Ron is sitting on the couch, eyes glued to the TV, cuz there's a Queer Eye marathon* Ron's angel conscience, AKA Angel dude: You should be studying! Ron; Shut up, Herm... Ron's devil conscience, AKA devil dude: Way to go, Ron! Angel dude: Hey, I came here first! Devil dude: *sticks out tongue* Angel dude: Eeew! Brush your teeth! Devil dude: *conjures up some Listerine* *gargles* Intense! Angel dude: Shut up. Ron: *still watching Queer Eye* Shut up, you guys! Devil dude: SHUT up. Angel dude: Shut UP! Ron: SHUT UP! Angel dude: SHUT UP! Devil dude: SHUT UP! Ron: Shut UP! Devil dude: SHUT up! Angel dude: Shut UP! Ron: SHUT UP. Angel dude: SHUT UP! Devil dude: Shut UP. Ron: SHUT up! Angel dude: SHUT UP! Devil dude: SHUT up! Angel dude: Shut UP. Ron: Shut UP! Angel dude: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Laura: I'm bored. Ron: Shut up, I'm watching Queer Eye! *end theme comes on* Ron: *teary eyes* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! !@#$%^&*())(*&^%$#@!!@#$%^&*())(*&^%$#@! *this isn't meant to be funny, I think it's just interesting to see everyone's fave pizza* Hermione: *On phone* Yeah, we'll take a large... uh... WHAT DO YOU WANT ON YOUR PIZZA, GUYS??? Ron: Chocolate! Harry: Gold gilding! Ginny: Vanilla wafer crumbs! Fred & George: Spinach! *Popeye music* Draco: Taco shells! Crabbe: Sardines! Goyle: More sardines! Bill: Ice cream! Charlie: Gravy! Percy: Watercress! Luna: Gummy bears! Pansy: Potato chips! Snape: Lettuce! Dumbledore: Lemon iced cookies! McGonagall: Extract of tomato soup! Lupin: Chinese chicken! Hermione: ...uh, a large pepperoni... yeah. Pepperoni... !@#$%^&*())(*&^%$#@! !@#$%^&*())(*&^%$#@! *Ginny is wading through a swamp made of apple pie* Ginny: *sees fruit stuck in between her toes* Yuck! *she steps on an unseen safety pin* Ginny: OWWW!!! Owie, owie... *continues* Ginny: *humming and singing at the same time* *hey, wait a minute...* Unda da sea, la la la la, unda da sea, la la la la, darling it's betta, down where it's wetta, take it from me... !@#$%^&*())(*&^%$#@!!@#$%^&*())(*&^%$#@! *spooky Dracula voice* Und next veek, I vill publeesh a veddy veddy special eesue... a Halloveen Harry Potta und dee Bobbeeque Cheekon Veeng! Mwahahahahaha!! Translation for accent-illiterate readers: And next week, I will publish a very, very special issue... a Halloween Harry Potter and the Barbeque Chicken Wing! Mwahahahahaha!!  
  
^-^ bye bye loyal fans! ^-^ 


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